I am solitary by choice, not circumstances.
I have friends, I'm not lonely.
I have love, I do have a heart.
I can be cold, I am made to be stronger than most.
I can be quiet, I was born to be the only child.
I can be funny and loud, I was taught to always have fun.
I can be anything I want to be. Only because I can.
Hana
Mr. Udders
Maya's Baked Goodies
Nazri
Nadiah
Laremy the Cow
Aida
Ruz
Ed Koh
Travels
New York I
New York II
New York III
New York IV
New York V
Melbourne I
Melbourne II
Melbourne III
Melbourne IV
Melbourne V
Liverpool
London
Paris
Lisbon
Barcelona
Fez
Milan
Pisa
Rome
Rome/ Vatican/ Venice
Venice/ Vienna
Prague
Berlin
Amsterdam
Europe In Lomo
Mr. Udders
Maya's Baked Goodies
Nazri
Nadiah
Laremy the Cow
Aida
Ruz
Ed Koh
Travels
New York I
New York II
New York III
New York IV
New York V
Melbourne I
Melbourne II
Melbourne III
Melbourne IV
Melbourne V
Liverpool
London
Paris
Lisbon
Barcelona
Fez
Milan
Pisa
Rome
Rome/ Vatican/ Venice
Venice/ Vienna
Prague
Berlin
Amsterdam
Europe In Lomo
March 2003
April 2003
May 2003
June 2003
July 2003
August 2003
September 2003
October 2003
November 2003
December 2003
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April 2003
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November 2009
Bituwin -
Blogskin
Edited by Yours Truly.
Blog Title is E.B. White's famous words, rephrased.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
learning curve.
i've been having a good time in London. i won't lie, there's dissatisfaction- i want to take more photos, i wish i had bought 120mm film cuz today was mighty sunny and gorgeous, i wish my room wasn't on the 6th floor, and so on. but these are petty things, and i have learnt a long time ago to be grateful that i get to travel, at all.
so today i was supposed to go to portobello market and then make my way down to the delightful english village of great missenden where roald dahl resided and visit his museum etc. as luck would have it, the market was disappointing and i got nothing. just the same, it took more time than expected to swim through the crowds and i had to postpone my great missenden plans. i didn't wanna be there when it was dark... and it gets dark at 4 here.
managed to squeeze in a chat with suresh online and booked my bus rides to and fro stansted airport. admin work done, i went back to the hostel. it was that time of the month, and though i had brought some painkillers, i didn't feel a need for it. and of course i didn't have half the brain to just bring 'em along in case i'd actually need them (you so know where this is going).
if i thought orchard road on weekends was a warzone, its world war 3 out here on oxford street. it was just madness. you didn't need a sense of direction or a destination cuz the crowd was just pushing you along. it was claustrophobic. so i made my way to covent garden where i was amused by street performers and jostled by another crazy crowd of shoppers.
tried to look for a bite to eat, but this being covent garden, everything was exorbitant and i wasn't looking to be extorted for food after being spoilt on a daily diet of £3.99 fish & chips/ chicken tikka/ steak. so i wandered around some more, thinking i could head back and just grab food from near the hostel where it's cheaper.
i was also walking off the cramps that has begun to set in. for those who know me, you must have at least heard or witness this gloriously debilitating cramps that i get monthly. so i stepped into H & M and realized the cramps were just about killing me, and i was breaking into cold sweat. not good.
i had just walked past the tube station before entering H & M and there was a crowd of people trying to get into the station. like a mob. with the rain and all i guess people had decided to head back. so for the millionth time today i joined the throng of humans and was carried along by human traffic into the station, where i was duly squashed in the elevator. that was when i honestly thought i could pass out in london. and believe me, it is a scary thought to have.
i had to change trains and when i reached my first stop, i sat on the benches to recover a bit before battling the crowd again. i sat and watch 4 trains go by and then made my way to the elevator. squashing-> thoughts of passing out -> rinse, cycle, repeat.
finally made my way to my train back to the hostel. when i got to my station the cold sweat was in full swing and so were the blurred/ graying visions. it was like looking through a pinhole camera. lomo, much. when i finally got into the elevator, i felt the familiar rise of gastric juices and... i had to swallow my vomit. YUM YUM PEOPLE.
this post should have come with a PG rating. so yes, i had to stop myself from throwing up in an elevator full of people. can you imagine the STANK. pee- uuuw. i wouldn't stand it.
made my way out of the station and made a decided and firm walk towards the bins just outside the station and emptied my... already quite empty stomach. yellow bile/ gastric juices, striking against blackened pavements. hidden by the massive recycling bins so no one (hopefully) saw. after a bit more retching, i finally looked up and realized it was raining.
got back to my room where i hugged my new toy to sleep and i feel infinitely better now. and this post had to be written because this is the reality of traveling alone: i am my own limits, and i need to know what i can and cannot take. i will learn. i am okay now, and will be off to copenhagen monday. hooray!
so today i was supposed to go to portobello market and then make my way down to the delightful english village of great missenden where roald dahl resided and visit his museum etc. as luck would have it, the market was disappointing and i got nothing. just the same, it took more time than expected to swim through the crowds and i had to postpone my great missenden plans. i didn't wanna be there when it was dark... and it gets dark at 4 here.
managed to squeeze in a chat with suresh online and booked my bus rides to and fro stansted airport. admin work done, i went back to the hostel. it was that time of the month, and though i had brought some painkillers, i didn't feel a need for it. and of course i didn't have half the brain to just bring 'em along in case i'd actually need them (you so know where this is going).
if i thought orchard road on weekends was a warzone, its world war 3 out here on oxford street. it was just madness. you didn't need a sense of direction or a destination cuz the crowd was just pushing you along. it was claustrophobic. so i made my way to covent garden where i was amused by street performers and jostled by another crazy crowd of shoppers.
tried to look for a bite to eat, but this being covent garden, everything was exorbitant and i wasn't looking to be extorted for food after being spoilt on a daily diet of £3.99 fish & chips/ chicken tikka/ steak. so i wandered around some more, thinking i could head back and just grab food from near the hostel where it's cheaper.
i was also walking off the cramps that has begun to set in. for those who know me, you must have at least heard or witness this gloriously debilitating cramps that i get monthly. so i stepped into H & M and realized the cramps were just about killing me, and i was breaking into cold sweat. not good.
i had just walked past the tube station before entering H & M and there was a crowd of people trying to get into the station. like a mob. with the rain and all i guess people had decided to head back. so for the millionth time today i joined the throng of humans and was carried along by human traffic into the station, where i was duly squashed in the elevator. that was when i honestly thought i could pass out in london. and believe me, it is a scary thought to have.
i had to change trains and when i reached my first stop, i sat on the benches to recover a bit before battling the crowd again. i sat and watch 4 trains go by and then made my way to the elevator. squashing-> thoughts of passing out -> rinse, cycle, repeat.
finally made my way to my train back to the hostel. when i got to my station the cold sweat was in full swing and so were the blurred/ graying visions. it was like looking through a pinhole camera. lomo, much. when i finally got into the elevator, i felt the familiar rise of gastric juices and... i had to swallow my vomit. YUM YUM PEOPLE.
this post should have come with a PG rating. so yes, i had to stop myself from throwing up in an elevator full of people. can you imagine the STANK. pee- uuuw. i wouldn't stand it.
made my way out of the station and made a decided and firm walk towards the bins just outside the station and emptied my... already quite empty stomach. yellow bile/ gastric juices, striking against blackened pavements. hidden by the massive recycling bins so no one (hopefully) saw. after a bit more retching, i finally looked up and realized it was raining.
got back to my room where i hugged my new toy to sleep and i feel infinitely better now. and this post had to be written because this is the reality of traveling alone: i am my own limits, and i need to know what i can and cannot take. i will learn. i am okay now, and will be off to copenhagen monday. hooray!
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
this life.
school year is coming to an end, i've got one last bit of admin to clear before i'm done for 2009.
this sunday i'm having a bridal shower tea party for a good friend from NIE. while it is also the day i am to leave for london, i am glad to be organizing this wonderful occassion cuz she was one of my saviours in NIE.
tomorrow i clear work, friday i will pack my table. my school is moving. and when i return from my trip, i would probably move too, soon after. so a lot of moving around going about, gonna try to keep my head in place.
today was a beautiful day. it poured but it didn't stop me and suresh from sitting in a beachside cafe eating piping hot fries as the skies heaved. i conclude the beach is much prettier in the rain. the foggy/ mist makes the ships in the distance seems more romantic than industrial. and when you have such wonderful company... nothing matters, rain or shine.
as evidenced, blogging has come to a lull, but definitely not a permanent end. there is no end to my thoughts, my words, my everything. if you have not added me on facebook yet, please do so! click on that badge right there... yes down there, on the left. see it? yeap. i post notes on FB erratically instead of blogging because... well i don't really know why. easier medium i guess?
so this is to say i might not be blogging as regularly anymore, but i won't close this down... just yet. unlike my love life (or what it used to be), i'm a one- blog woman.
my life is chugging along. i am happy most of the time, happiest when with loved ones. even/ especially at the office. my colleagues are like my family. the love and care is endless and i am eternally grateful. when things hit a rut i never feel alone or frustrated cuz i know they would help me out every step of the way.
and as always, suresh is there. a pillar of strength like no other. we're in a different phase of life now; both working and hence tired after certain hours. online conversations are often brief and at times cursory, but our time alone is irreplaceable. we no longer have the freedom to sit at a coffee joint and read books (not WORK) but we try to seek happiness and calmness in our own little ways. singing in the car, holding hands while strolling in town. we get by.
and more than anything else, there's my travels which increasingly is becoming an addiction. an expensive hobby but not one i can give up anytime soon. this sunday i leave for london, before making my way to copenhagen and then railing it down to stockholm, before returning to the land of the queen. i'm excited, but not the way i was last year. there's a different anticipation now that i know i am well and truly gonna be alone. i look forward to reading and writing and LO AND BEHOLD, NO TAITI/ DAIDEE/ CARD GAMES AT ALL. hahaha.
the other day an acquaitance said he didn't think i would end up pursuing my creative writing postgrad studies, instead i would end up married and staying here because i apparently live a 'yuppie life' and i would get comfortable and 'settle'.
besides the ignorance as to the many complications that arises when one talks about marriage (to anyone, what more suresh & i), there's also the sly insult slipped in. keeping in mind that this is from someone who chose to drop everything and pursue postgrad overseas immediately upon graduating (despite financial struggles to do so) and now hold an unpaid intern job, and considering a so- called 'shameful return' (not my words) back home due to inability to find a paying job of his choice. while i am in no way looking down on what he has decided to do, i do not see how what he has chosen is better than what i have chosen. that might not have been the explicit message, but it was clearly implied.
maybe it's blind faith, but i will get there. somehow, someway, sometime, i will. without a doubt. and no, not to prove a point, but because i want it. very badly.
and while i respect and admire the brave for taking the risk and dropping everything to pursue what they want right there and then, i understand the value of delayed gratification. i also recognize that the life i seek to live in NY is not that of a struggling grad student still, but of someone with a substantial resume and sufficient life experience to even begin writing. someone who will not struggle to find a job, or a nice apartment in a nice neighborhood, exorbitant as it may be. and so i save hundreds each month, knowing every dollar brings me that much closer to my dream.
it's not perfect, and it will never be. but as long as i keep trying to make it, i got no one to blame. my happiness is mine to achieve and create, so i choose to do things my way, as should everyone.
have a great life, readers & friends.
peace out. yo.
this sunday i'm having a bridal shower tea party for a good friend from NIE. while it is also the day i am to leave for london, i am glad to be organizing this wonderful occassion cuz she was one of my saviours in NIE.
tomorrow i clear work, friday i will pack my table. my school is moving. and when i return from my trip, i would probably move too, soon after. so a lot of moving around going about, gonna try to keep my head in place.
today was a beautiful day. it poured but it didn't stop me and suresh from sitting in a beachside cafe eating piping hot fries as the skies heaved. i conclude the beach is much prettier in the rain. the foggy/ mist makes the ships in the distance seems more romantic than industrial. and when you have such wonderful company... nothing matters, rain or shine.
as evidenced, blogging has come to a lull, but definitely not a permanent end. there is no end to my thoughts, my words, my everything. if you have not added me on facebook yet, please do so! click on that badge right there... yes down there, on the left. see it? yeap. i post notes on FB erratically instead of blogging because... well i don't really know why. easier medium i guess?
so this is to say i might not be blogging as regularly anymore, but i won't close this down... just yet. unlike my love life (or what it used to be), i'm a one- blog woman.
my life is chugging along. i am happy most of the time, happiest when with loved ones. even/ especially at the office. my colleagues are like my family. the love and care is endless and i am eternally grateful. when things hit a rut i never feel alone or frustrated cuz i know they would help me out every step of the way.
and as always, suresh is there. a pillar of strength like no other. we're in a different phase of life now; both working and hence tired after certain hours. online conversations are often brief and at times cursory, but our time alone is irreplaceable. we no longer have the freedom to sit at a coffee joint and read books (not WORK) but we try to seek happiness and calmness in our own little ways. singing in the car, holding hands while strolling in town. we get by.
and more than anything else, there's my travels which increasingly is becoming an addiction. an expensive hobby but not one i can give up anytime soon. this sunday i leave for london, before making my way to copenhagen and then railing it down to stockholm, before returning to the land of the queen. i'm excited, but not the way i was last year. there's a different anticipation now that i know i am well and truly gonna be alone. i look forward to reading and writing and LO AND BEHOLD, NO TAITI/ DAIDEE/ CARD GAMES AT ALL. hahaha.
the other day an acquaitance said he didn't think i would end up pursuing my creative writing postgrad studies, instead i would end up married and staying here because i apparently live a 'yuppie life' and i would get comfortable and 'settle'.
besides the ignorance as to the many complications that arises when one talks about marriage (to anyone, what more suresh & i), there's also the sly insult slipped in. keeping in mind that this is from someone who chose to drop everything and pursue postgrad overseas immediately upon graduating (despite financial struggles to do so) and now hold an unpaid intern job, and considering a so- called 'shameful return' (not my words) back home due to inability to find a paying job of his choice. while i am in no way looking down on what he has decided to do, i do not see how what he has chosen is better than what i have chosen. that might not have been the explicit message, but it was clearly implied.
maybe it's blind faith, but i will get there. somehow, someway, sometime, i will. without a doubt. and no, not to prove a point, but because i want it. very badly.
and while i respect and admire the brave for taking the risk and dropping everything to pursue what they want right there and then, i understand the value of delayed gratification. i also recognize that the life i seek to live in NY is not that of a struggling grad student still, but of someone with a substantial resume and sufficient life experience to even begin writing. someone who will not struggle to find a job, or a nice apartment in a nice neighborhood, exorbitant as it may be. and so i save hundreds each month, knowing every dollar brings me that much closer to my dream.
it's not perfect, and it will never be. but as long as i keep trying to make it, i got no one to blame. my happiness is mine to achieve and create, so i choose to do things my way, as should everyone.
have a great life, readers & friends.
peace out. yo.
Monday, October 26, 2009
post- match.
what a smokin' smokin' match. watched it at the coffeeshop at my void deck with my cousins. had came straight from mum's shop (more on this soon!). it was full- house, with 2 tables being taken by a large group of malay boys drinking beer and wearing man u jerseys.
and because i am a bad- ass, at half- time i went up to change into my Liverpool jersey. and perhaps that brought some awesome luck, and we won 2- 0. lost my voice too, obviously.
and this is what happened when suresh msn- ed me;
suresh says:
hello!
fizusthemissus ✰ says:
HEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHE
HEHEHHEHEHEHEHHEEH
hahahaha. YNWA people. YNWA. and yeah okay you're still above us but whatever. tonight was our night and we all know it. in rafa we trust.
to add- on:
fizusthemissus ✰ says:
okay nehneh poo poo
i love youuu
hahahaha. this is funny because a couple of years ago when liverpool lost to man u by a goal at the 93rd minute by a glancing header by one of my least favourite red devil, ferdinand, i went to bed in tears and did not reply nor pick up suresh's calls/ msgs for a couple of hours/ days. haha. then today win only say goodnight got i love you i love you all!!!! i'm so cock i know. you just KNOW that if man u had won there'd be no 'i love you' at the end of that convo! hahaha.
and yes i am a hardcore fan, almost to the point of blind loyalty. i think having a man u fan as a boyfriend has toned me down a bit, and i am a lot less vengeful. but that doesn't change the fact that liverpool and man u are historically rivals. i am not saying we should all jump on the bandwagon and just hate each other for the sake of it. but the atmosphere of a man u- liverpool match is just electric. the pride at stake is just immense. the goading and mind games that come before that just spurs the fans to go a little stir- crazy before the match has even begun.
at the match where riise's powerful shot broke alan smith's leg, the ambulance with smith in it was delayed because liverpool fans threw stuff at it; including a plastic bag filled with shit. yes. someone took the effort to poop in a plastic bag just to throw it at an ambulance with a man u player in it. i'm not saying i am proud of this act, nor do i approve, but i use this to illustrate the rivalry between the teams, senseless as it may be, it is there.
when i comment on a match, i try to be as neutral as possible, whether or not clubs i hate or love had won or lost. when i criticise a club, it is because i genuinely think they played badly, not because i hate the club. this goes for man u, chelsea, arsenal, spurs, west ham... whatever. i am also not blind when liverpool plays badly and i know even now, that tonight's win might be a one- off and next week we'd lose again.
but isn't that why we watch football? the thrill of the win, the overwhelming heartbreak of a loss. even the rivalry, yes. i appreciate the barbed comments between my red devil friends and me, we love our clubs but we're not so stupid to let it come in between friendship. i never take our exchanges seriously because i know whatever we say come from the common passion we have for football.
because of the rivalry too, tonight's victory is even sweeter. but as many man u fans will point out, the victory is also much welcomed cuz it's been a while, and i agree wholeheartedly. being a liverpool fan has taught me patience, i sit through losses to chelsea and sunderland, through fiesty comebacks against west ham and ac milan... for nights like these. like i told my friend, i'm not a man u fan, i cannot afford to expect to win every match.
and this might sound like an excuse to you, but to be honest, being a liverpool fan is more than just about the wins. yes, because those are few and far between, but also because there's so much passion and tears from so many across the world that you really really can't help but know that you're not, never, ever, alone. and maybe it's the only child in me speaking, but i like that. if you like the glory and the sweetness of victory, you're probably a man u fan. but me, i live for something else.
and i think it's cool, either way.
and because i am a bad- ass, at half- time i went up to change into my Liverpool jersey. and perhaps that brought some awesome luck, and we won 2- 0. lost my voice too, obviously.
and this is what happened when suresh msn- ed me;
suresh says:
hello!
fizusthemissus ✰ says:
HEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHE
HEHEHHEHEHEHEHHEEH
hahahaha. YNWA people. YNWA. and yeah okay you're still above us but whatever. tonight was our night and we all know it. in rafa we trust.
to add- on:
fizusthemissus ✰ says:
okay nehneh poo poo
i love youuu
hahahaha. this is funny because a couple of years ago when liverpool lost to man u by a goal at the 93rd minute by a glancing header by one of my least favourite red devil, ferdinand, i went to bed in tears and did not reply nor pick up suresh's calls/ msgs for a couple of hours/ days. haha. then today win only say goodnight got i love you i love you all!!!! i'm so cock i know. you just KNOW that if man u had won there'd be no 'i love you' at the end of that convo! hahaha.
and yes i am a hardcore fan, almost to the point of blind loyalty. i think having a man u fan as a boyfriend has toned me down a bit, and i am a lot less vengeful. but that doesn't change the fact that liverpool and man u are historically rivals. i am not saying we should all jump on the bandwagon and just hate each other for the sake of it. but the atmosphere of a man u- liverpool match is just electric. the pride at stake is just immense. the goading and mind games that come before that just spurs the fans to go a little stir- crazy before the match has even begun.
at the match where riise's powerful shot broke alan smith's leg, the ambulance with smith in it was delayed because liverpool fans threw stuff at it; including a plastic bag filled with shit. yes. someone took the effort to poop in a plastic bag just to throw it at an ambulance with a man u player in it. i'm not saying i am proud of this act, nor do i approve, but i use this to illustrate the rivalry between the teams, senseless as it may be, it is there.
when i comment on a match, i try to be as neutral as possible, whether or not clubs i hate or love had won or lost. when i criticise a club, it is because i genuinely think they played badly, not because i hate the club. this goes for man u, chelsea, arsenal, spurs, west ham... whatever. i am also not blind when liverpool plays badly and i know even now, that tonight's win might be a one- off and next week we'd lose again.
but isn't that why we watch football? the thrill of the win, the overwhelming heartbreak of a loss. even the rivalry, yes. i appreciate the barbed comments between my red devil friends and me, we love our clubs but we're not so stupid to let it come in between friendship. i never take our exchanges seriously because i know whatever we say come from the common passion we have for football.
because of the rivalry too, tonight's victory is even sweeter. but as many man u fans will point out, the victory is also much welcomed cuz it's been a while, and i agree wholeheartedly. being a liverpool fan has taught me patience, i sit through losses to chelsea and sunderland, through fiesty comebacks against west ham and ac milan... for nights like these. like i told my friend, i'm not a man u fan, i cannot afford to expect to win every match.
and this might sound like an excuse to you, but to be honest, being a liverpool fan is more than just about the wins. yes, because those are few and far between, but also because there's so much passion and tears from so many across the world that you really really can't help but know that you're not, never, ever, alone. and maybe it's the only child in me speaking, but i like that. if you like the glory and the sweetness of victory, you're probably a man u fan. but me, i live for something else.
and i think it's cool, either way.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
posterity.
in case i ever forget how this moment feels like...
i shall blog. what's the momentous occasion, you might ask. why, thank you for asking. as a matter of fact, i have just finished marking ALL my scripts for this end- of- year examinations. YES. EVERYTHING. E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G. the joy, rest assured, far surpasses any other joy i have ever felt. getting straight As'? pah. finishing uni? pfft, easy peasy. finally leaving NIE? not even close.
this, ladies and gentlemen, is the greatest joy known to man (okay maybe just teachers). it is called WE HAVE FINISHED MARKING. and also because there's little admin work left to do. JOY OF JOYS.
i spent a good 3 hours at starbucks marking. i am forever indebted to caffeine and american corporations. i should feel bad but i don't! in fact i am so psyched right now i feel like i could blog on forever. and yes that is very likely the coffee talking. boy i miss the days of blogging on a caffeine high. well, guess who's making a comeback?
i am also blogging at 1 a.m. because i can't sleep. not just cuz i am done marking. i believe the caffeine in my bloodstream together with the euphoria of finishing marking isn't the most ideal combination. but we live and let live, oui?
to reduce the amount of neurotic ramblings, i have wisely uploaded choice photos on photobucket that have yet to make it to facebook because uploading photos on facebook has become impossible lately. so this is FOR YOUR EYES ONLY. okay whatever la. PHOTOS.
me and farhana on the day we finally met up to rant about work and then stuff our faces with naan and butter chicken. and then to top it all off, we walked all the way to maju camp, take more stupid photos (see below) before dashing across the road 50m from the traffic light. cuz life is more exciting that way, and with BFFz you can do aneeeeitheeeeng.
soon after we took these photos bunch of NS boys walked up to return to camp. oops! we were not mocking you o brave men serving the nation!
in the midst of the madness that is marking (CHECKIDAUD YO ALLITERATIONNNN), i also managed to celebrate me muvva's birthday. at carousel, of course :)
this was barcelos chicken with the nehneh. we only go to vivo/ town these days :( we are getting old and there is less and less time! tres depressing.
this is hafiz lim mengumpat- ing/ bitching about fahrur... who was seated right beside me. dasar apek.
this is rohani, his bitching partner, laughing after i called them out on their bitching about fahrur right in his face. dasar joyah lopis.
this is fahrur and norm listening to me talk. LOOK AT MY RAPTURED AUDIENCE. WAHLAO.
this is fahrur proving why he deserves to be mengumpat- ed/ bitched about. HAHAHAHAH. gonjeng. and by gonjeng i mean MY GONJENG not norm's/ matrep's definition.
this is me, as usual, delighted by the sight of food. ignore extremely "british grandma" hand gesture.
THIS IS AN EXTREMELY FAMILIAR SIGHT. oh my god.
my marking companion. scripts (duh), red pen (again), my delightful matilda pencil case, moleskine notebook for random rambles.
these are my precious mementos. they keep me going :)
a random shot from inside my moleskine. yes, i have many of these lists... in fact this entire notebook might as well be dedicated to traveling haha.
and on that very happy note, i shall bid you adieu. for those still in the throes of marking, hang in there! AND THIS TOO SHALL PASS. :D
i shall blog. what's the momentous occasion, you might ask. why, thank you for asking. as a matter of fact, i have just finished marking ALL my scripts for this end- of- year examinations. YES. EVERYTHING. E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G. the joy, rest assured, far surpasses any other joy i have ever felt. getting straight As'? pah. finishing uni? pfft, easy peasy. finally leaving NIE? not even close.
this, ladies and gentlemen, is the greatest joy known to man (okay maybe just teachers). it is called WE HAVE FINISHED MARKING. and also because there's little admin work left to do. JOY OF JOYS.
i spent a good 3 hours at starbucks marking. i am forever indebted to caffeine and american corporations. i should feel bad but i don't! in fact i am so psyched right now i feel like i could blog on forever. and yes that is very likely the coffee talking. boy i miss the days of blogging on a caffeine high. well, guess who's making a comeback?
i am also blogging at 1 a.m. because i can't sleep. not just cuz i am done marking. i believe the caffeine in my bloodstream together with the euphoria of finishing marking isn't the most ideal combination. but we live and let live, oui?
to reduce the amount of neurotic ramblings, i have wisely uploaded choice photos on photobucket that have yet to make it to facebook because uploading photos on facebook has become impossible lately. so this is FOR YOUR EYES ONLY. okay whatever la. PHOTOS.
me and farhana on the day we finally met up to rant about work and then stuff our faces with naan and butter chicken. and then to top it all off, we walked all the way to maju camp, take more stupid photos (see below) before dashing across the road 50m from the traffic light. cuz life is more exciting that way, and with BFFz you can do aneeeeitheeeeng.
soon after we took these photos bunch of NS boys walked up to return to camp. oops! we were not mocking you o brave men serving the nation!
in the midst of the madness that is marking (CHECKIDAUD YO ALLITERATIONNNN), i also managed to celebrate me muvva's birthday. at carousel, of course :)
this was barcelos chicken with the nehneh. we only go to vivo/ town these days :( we are getting old and there is less and less time! tres depressing.
this is hafiz lim mengumpat- ing/ bitching about fahrur... who was seated right beside me. dasar apek.
this is rohani, his bitching partner, laughing after i called them out on their bitching about fahrur right in his face. dasar joyah lopis.
this is fahrur and norm listening to me talk. LOOK AT MY RAPTURED AUDIENCE. WAHLAO.
this is fahrur proving why he deserves to be mengumpat- ed/ bitched about. HAHAHAHAH. gonjeng. and by gonjeng i mean MY GONJENG not norm's/ matrep's definition.
this is me, as usual, delighted by the sight of food. ignore extremely "british grandma" hand gesture.
THIS IS AN EXTREMELY FAMILIAR SIGHT. oh my god.
my marking companion. scripts (duh), red pen (again), my delightful matilda pencil case, moleskine notebook for random rambles.
these are my precious mementos. they keep me going :)
a random shot from inside my moleskine. yes, i have many of these lists... in fact this entire notebook might as well be dedicated to traveling haha.
and on that very happy note, i shall bid you adieu. for those still in the throes of marking, hang in there! AND THIS TOO SHALL PASS. :D
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
exhaustion.
haven't found time to myself lately, much less to blog. work has been a bit crazy, with the end- of- year exams going on now and the mad dash for revision just before that.
so this would be the metaphorical blog- catching of my breath.
well since then Raya has come and gone. i shan't be lazy and upload choice photos here since it was a merry Raya, though it was all of 2 days of festivities for me. Day 1, and then Day 21, with the Peejots. on some level i feel sad that Hari Raya isn't how it used to be anymore for my family, but on the other hand i remain hopeful that it will change once we move to the new place. we shall see.
i do go on. pictures!
apparently i haven't blogged for so long i forgot my photobucket password. mad world. but there you have it!
so, what else. work, Hari Raya... oh F1, of course. how could i forget. crazy atmosphere, and not to forget, deafening too. it was pretty amazing to be that close to lewis hamilton, that's all i'm saying.
i haven't been feeling very well lately. its not a particular illness of any sorts but just general lethargy and aches. i am exhausted by 1 p.m. and i am incapable of focusing on the task at hand. i am so tired, right now, that i can't be bothere to get up and make food though my stomach is making very grouchy noises.
i know i should take vitamins and all that but i haven't been consistent. more than that it's so sad that my body is failing me like this! i'm so young! AAAAAAAAAAH. trauma.
i get sinus almost everyday now, and every night i struggle to fall asleep. when i wake up from naps in the afternoon i wake up in a panic cuz its daytime still and i think i'm late for work. sometimes it feels like i live in perpetual fear of... something. it gets pretty tiring.
as always, i live for my holidays. i am going to london again this nov/ dec, but for a much shorter period of time. i'm spending about a week in london then a week in scandinavia, namely copenhagen and stockholm. if i weren't as tired i'd sound a lot more excited but right now i'm just glad i have that to hold on to, and the thought of wearing a winter coat again is sometimes the only thing that keeps me going. i'm weird like that.
work hasn't been all that bad though. i have wonderful colleagues. i'm sure people are sick of hearing this but honestly, its like working with your best friends. who can resist that? everyone is kind and funny and witty and just a little kooky. i like that. if nothing else, it takes the edge off work on most days and i don't dread going to work.
i just wish i had more... time. time for myself. i feel like i'm losing myself in this "vortex of insanity". i can't read a book without my mind wandering elsewhere and in my books (HEHHH), that is the very definition of "something is wrong". i haven't found the peace of mind much less the slice of time to really just sit and read. is it always going to be like this? :/
another person i wish i had more time with would obviously be suresh. our working hours being as it is, meeting on weekdays usually means a quick dinner or a 10- minute walkabout before heading back to rest our exhausted bodies/ mind. unless its friday, when we make the effort to take our time and soak up some youth in town, always failing, and always home by 12 midnight. words can't say how much i miss our uni days lately. i just might cry, really. all that, gone.
oh dear, wasn't planning on such a dreary post. it's almost as if i can't help it! i keep bemoaning my lost youth! there's so much to be happy about but keep going back to the sad stuff. see what i mean by unable to focus?
well at least i am blogging again. maybe all i need to do is blog a little everyday and things will be okay again. i'm sure that works in some parallel universe. hope the world is treating all of you much better... till then much love!
so this would be the metaphorical blog- catching of my breath.
well since then Raya has come and gone. i shan't be lazy and upload choice photos here since it was a merry Raya, though it was all of 2 days of festivities for me. Day 1, and then Day 21, with the Peejots. on some level i feel sad that Hari Raya isn't how it used to be anymore for my family, but on the other hand i remain hopeful that it will change once we move to the new place. we shall see.
i do go on. pictures!
apparently i haven't blogged for so long i forgot my photobucket password. mad world. but there you have it!
so, what else. work, Hari Raya... oh F1, of course. how could i forget. crazy atmosphere, and not to forget, deafening too. it was pretty amazing to be that close to lewis hamilton, that's all i'm saying.
i haven't been feeling very well lately. its not a particular illness of any sorts but just general lethargy and aches. i am exhausted by 1 p.m. and i am incapable of focusing on the task at hand. i am so tired, right now, that i can't be bothere to get up and make food though my stomach is making very grouchy noises.
i know i should take vitamins and all that but i haven't been consistent. more than that it's so sad that my body is failing me like this! i'm so young! AAAAAAAAAAH. trauma.
i get sinus almost everyday now, and every night i struggle to fall asleep. when i wake up from naps in the afternoon i wake up in a panic cuz its daytime still and i think i'm late for work. sometimes it feels like i live in perpetual fear of... something. it gets pretty tiring.
as always, i live for my holidays. i am going to london again this nov/ dec, but for a much shorter period of time. i'm spending about a week in london then a week in scandinavia, namely copenhagen and stockholm. if i weren't as tired i'd sound a lot more excited but right now i'm just glad i have that to hold on to, and the thought of wearing a winter coat again is sometimes the only thing that keeps me going. i'm weird like that.
work hasn't been all that bad though. i have wonderful colleagues. i'm sure people are sick of hearing this but honestly, its like working with your best friends. who can resist that? everyone is kind and funny and witty and just a little kooky. i like that. if nothing else, it takes the edge off work on most days and i don't dread going to work.
i just wish i had more... time. time for myself. i feel like i'm losing myself in this "vortex of insanity". i can't read a book without my mind wandering elsewhere and in my books (HEHHH), that is the very definition of "something is wrong". i haven't found the peace of mind much less the slice of time to really just sit and read. is it always going to be like this? :/
another person i wish i had more time with would obviously be suresh. our working hours being as it is, meeting on weekdays usually means a quick dinner or a 10- minute walkabout before heading back to rest our exhausted bodies/ mind. unless its friday, when we make the effort to take our time and soak up some youth in town, always failing, and always home by 12 midnight. words can't say how much i miss our uni days lately. i just might cry, really. all that, gone.
oh dear, wasn't planning on such a dreary post. it's almost as if i can't help it! i keep bemoaning my lost youth! there's so much to be happy about but keep going back to the sad stuff. see what i mean by unable to focus?
well at least i am blogging again. maybe all i need to do is blog a little everyday and things will be okay again. i'm sure that works in some parallel universe. hope the world is treating all of you much better... till then much love!
Monday, September 21, 2009
MIA.
suresh says:
my pens are with you!
fizusthemissus ✰ says:
oh!
HAHAHAH
at first i saw
my penis with you
HAHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHA
i am feeling a little off; think its the "back to work after long break" syndrome. in any case, much to look forward to! like graduation photoshoot (yes for NUS HAAHAHHAA) and F1!!!!! this saturday. and of course farhana's open house this saturday. and possibly baby/ NIE girls- visiting this sunday. EXCITING RIGHT. okay. so just have to get through the next 4 days.
I CAN DO THIS!!!
blog poll: where shall i go this december? i'm spending about a week plus plus in london, but i wanna take in one (or two, at most) other cities. my options are:
istanbul
copenhagen (and maybe drop by stockholm)
brussels (but its so near i could go for a weekend trip anyway)
geneva/ switzerland (SKI!)
budapest/ warsaw/ krakow/ eastern europe
any other suggestions? i am not keen on revisiting a city/ country i visited last year, hence ruling out france, netherlands, italy, germany, spain, portugal, czech republic and austria. any input welcome, including suggestions of stupid things to do in london (cuz you know, i've done the normal things). if my flooble chatterbox is down again as it is prone to these days, FB/ Twitter me, or send it to missusfizus@gmail.com :)
my pens are with you!
fizusthemissus ✰ says:
oh!
HAHAHAH
at first i saw
my penis with you
HAHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHA
i am feeling a little off; think its the "back to work after long break" syndrome. in any case, much to look forward to! like graduation photoshoot (yes for NUS HAAHAHHAA) and F1!!!!! this saturday. and of course farhana's open house this saturday. and possibly baby/ NIE girls- visiting this sunday. EXCITING RIGHT. okay. so just have to get through the next 4 days.
I CAN DO THIS!!!
blog poll: where shall i go this december? i'm spending about a week plus plus in london, but i wanna take in one (or two, at most) other cities. my options are:
istanbul
copenhagen (and maybe drop by stockholm)
brussels (but its so near i could go for a weekend trip anyway)
geneva/ switzerland (SKI!)
budapest/ warsaw/ krakow/ eastern europe
any other suggestions? i am not keen on revisiting a city/ country i visited last year, hence ruling out france, netherlands, italy, germany, spain, portugal, czech republic and austria. any input welcome, including suggestions of stupid things to do in london (cuz you know, i've done the normal things). if my flooble chatterbox is down again as it is prone to these days, FB/ Twitter me, or send it to missusfizus@gmail.com :)
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
secret to happiness a.k.a. what happens every Ramadhan/ Syawal.
the combination of excessive Hari Raya songs (which then spawns into excessive old school Malay songs in general, especially P. Ramlee songs) and going back to Malaysia to visit my relatives/ being immersed in such culture/ tradition so extensively/ intensely ALWAYS results in a reoccurring dream.
and by dream i mean a dream i wish to fulfill, not something i conjure up at night while i sleep. on a rather regular basis i talk about this, but more so during Ramadhan/ Syawal for reasons stated above. its very simple really, and i figured there's no easier way to explain it than to do it pictorially.
first up, i need a JEJAKA (let's call it a traditional malay man). this is the ultimate specimen of jejaka; the classic Malay good looks (eh?) and most importantly- full suit! baju melayu, songkok, songket and i'm quite sure he's wearing a chapal. AND YES HE WILL WEAR THIS EVERYDAY THAT WE ARE MARRIED TILL THE DAY WE DIE. no no divorce okay jejaka where got cerai- cerai all this. this Man will be the spouse of choice.
next i want a spacious home. like this:
yes with the space underneath for reban ayam/ ternak ular/ bela harimau. someone translate that!
okay now i have husband and house. next i must have CAREER! cuz even if i stay in kampong/ village i must still earn a living cuz i am FEMINIST LIKE THAT.
career of choice:
again, i am SERIOUS. i really want to jual goreng pisang tepi highway (sell banana fritters by the highway). preferably highway karak, dunno why. cuz its in pahang and pahang is my favorite malaysian state? haha yes i have a favorite malaysian state shut up.
but of course its not all about me right? what is my jejaka melayu akhir to do while i am busy earning all the moolah? well he has to take care of our plantation/ sawah ladang/ padi whatever of course! and to keep him company, we will need:
2 cows! to help us with the... planting/ sowing/ i dunno. but i think they're an important feature of my ideal idyll/ kampong life.
and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall this put together will result in a very happy me. a projection of that very happy ever after:
HAPPY OR WHUT.
and i am serious. i really want this life sometimes. sometimes, like now. and each time i go back malaysia, really. but no i will not accept a mat malaysia/ jejaka with a mustache/ misai as fahrur suggested. that will have to go.
judging from my sporadic blogging this might be my last post till Raya and if so;
SELAMAT HARI RAYA MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN.
if my writing has offended anyone of you in one way or another, ampun maaf dipinta/ i seek your forgiveness (as translated by google). Have a blessed Ramadhan for the next few days, and have an even more wonderful Syawal.
and by dream i mean a dream i wish to fulfill, not something i conjure up at night while i sleep. on a rather regular basis i talk about this, but more so during Ramadhan/ Syawal for reasons stated above. its very simple really, and i figured there's no easier way to explain it than to do it pictorially.
first up, i need a JEJAKA (let's call it a traditional malay man). this is the ultimate specimen of jejaka; the classic Malay good looks (eh?) and most importantly- full suit! baju melayu, songkok, songket and i'm quite sure he's wearing a chapal. AND YES HE WILL WEAR THIS EVERYDAY THAT WE ARE MARRIED TILL THE DAY WE DIE. no no divorce okay jejaka where got cerai- cerai all this. this Man will be the spouse of choice.
next i want a spacious home. like this:
yes with the space underneath for reban ayam/ ternak ular/ bela harimau. someone translate that!
okay now i have husband and house. next i must have CAREER! cuz even if i stay in kampong/ village i must still earn a living cuz i am FEMINIST LIKE THAT.
career of choice:
again, i am SERIOUS. i really want to jual goreng pisang tepi highway (sell banana fritters by the highway). preferably highway karak, dunno why. cuz its in pahang and pahang is my favorite malaysian state? haha yes i have a favorite malaysian state shut up.
but of course its not all about me right? what is my jejaka melayu akhir to do while i am busy earning all the moolah? well he has to take care of our plantation/ sawah ladang/ padi whatever of course! and to keep him company, we will need:
2 cows! to help us with the... planting/ sowing/ i dunno. but i think they're an important feature of my ideal idyll/ kampong life.
and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall this put together will result in a very happy me. a projection of that very happy ever after:
HAPPY OR WHUT.
and i am serious. i really want this life sometimes. sometimes, like now. and each time i go back malaysia, really. but no i will not accept a mat malaysia/ jejaka with a mustache/ misai as fahrur suggested. that will have to go.
judging from my sporadic blogging this might be my last post till Raya and if so;
SELAMAT HARI RAYA MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN.
if my writing has offended anyone of you in one way or another, ampun maaf dipinta/ i seek your forgiveness (as translated by google). Have a blessed Ramadhan for the next few days, and have an even more wonderful Syawal.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
warm fuzzies.
his new baju melayu needed some fixin', so he took to sewing it. and then...
suresh says:
hahaha
ok buckle is sewn!
fizusthemissus ✰ says:
well done!
suresh says:
next is my shirt button!
fizusthemissus ✰ says:
eh?
suresh says:
one of my shirt button came off
so might as well do it now
fizusthemissus ✰ says:
NEHNEH SO SKANKY
WHY ARE YOUR BUTTONS FALLING OFF
ARE YOU STRIPPING ON THE SIDE
IS THAT WHY YOU FINISH WORK SO LATE
suresh says:
HAHAHAHHAHA
fizusthemissus ✰ says:
eh i want to eat prata
go sew your buttons you skank
i don't think i realize how much i love thisskank boy sometimes. and yes, i did notice that he didn't bother defending himself. SASPIKUOUS OR WHUT.
suresh says:
hahaha
ok buckle is sewn!
fizusthemissus ✰ says:
well done!
suresh says:
next is my shirt button!
fizusthemissus ✰ says:
eh?
suresh says:
one of my shirt button came off
so might as well do it now
fizusthemissus ✰ says:
NEHNEH SO SKANKY
WHY ARE YOUR BUTTONS FALLING OFF
ARE YOU STRIPPING ON THE SIDE
IS THAT WHY YOU FINISH WORK SO LATE
suresh says:
HAHAHAHHAHA
fizusthemissus ✰ says:
eh i want to eat prata
go sew your buttons you skank
i don't think i realize how much i love this
Thursday, September 10, 2009
just because.
because I am fresh from the high that was visiting my cousins/ relatives in Kuantan;
because for the entire drive to Kuantan my cousin and I sang along to Malay and mostly Raya songs (yes, 5 hours of wailing);
because I just played my fourth chord on my new guitar (it needs a name!);
because I am reading somebody's love story and that happiness is infectious;
because my life is pretty damn awesome at this point;
i am in love with the world, all over again. hope you're having a good time too!
because for the entire drive to Kuantan my cousin and I sang along to Malay and mostly Raya songs (yes, 5 hours of wailing);
because I just played my fourth chord on my new guitar (it needs a name!);
because I am reading somebody's love story and that happiness is infectious;
because my life is pretty damn awesome at this point;
i am in love with the world, all over again. hope you're having a good time too!
Saturday, September 05, 2009
on turning 24.
i'm not going to wax lyrical; my entire blog is an affirmation that my life is blessed and blissful. tonight i'll be having dinner with 5 of my closest friends from different parts of my life, tomorrow night i'll be off to kuantan to visit my dearest cousins and relatives.
mum got me an advanced birthday gift way back, something for the new room which will be disclosed when i deem appropriate. peiyong gave me a roald dahl treasury which is probably the BEST BOOK IN THE WORLD EVER. it has quentin blake illustrations to every roald dahl poems/ stories in COLOUR. and its on glossy shiny paper. I AM IN LOVE.
yesterday night was pastamania with suresh but not before i managed to wheedle out of him a $10 book on sale at borders. hooray for holiday literature!
i'm happy.
edit:
Singapore to Kuala Lumpur, Sun, 22 Nov, 21:20, Flight MH610, Economy
Kuala Lumpur to London, Sun, 22 Nov, 23:55, Flight MH2, Economy
London to Kuala Lumpur, Thu, 10 Dec, 10:50, Flight MH3, Economy
Kuala Lumpur to Singapore, Fri, 11 Dec, 09:25, Flight MH611, Economy
yes, a repeat city. within a year. london has a different hold on me, i guess? but also because i know that next year will be dogged- i got lucky coming in middle- of- the- year. i believe i will need all the recuperation i can get this december; and where better to do it than in literary city. i will be dropping by (hopefully); stonehenge, roald dahl's museum/ hometown (i.e. a real english village!) and spending time mooching about the park, writing and reading. and then maybe hit up a new city or two- i'm thinking istanbul and copenhagen.
it will be a solo trip; think i'll want/ need that time alone. i will learn from my 'mistakes', no more being afraid to be out late this time. i will milk london for all its worth.
that's what i call a birthday present. :D
mum got me an advanced birthday gift way back, something for the new room which will be disclosed when i deem appropriate. peiyong gave me a roald dahl treasury which is probably the BEST BOOK IN THE WORLD EVER. it has quentin blake illustrations to every roald dahl poems/ stories in COLOUR. and its on glossy shiny paper. I AM IN LOVE.
yesterday night was pastamania with suresh but not before i managed to wheedle out of him a $10 book on sale at borders. hooray for holiday literature!
i'm happy.
edit:
Singapore to Kuala Lumpur, Sun, 22 Nov, 21:20, Flight MH610, Economy
Kuala Lumpur to London, Sun, 22 Nov, 23:55, Flight MH2, Economy
London to Kuala Lumpur, Thu, 10 Dec, 10:50, Flight MH3, Economy
Kuala Lumpur to Singapore, Fri, 11 Dec, 09:25, Flight MH611, Economy
yes, a repeat city. within a year. london has a different hold on me, i guess? but also because i know that next year will be dogged- i got lucky coming in middle- of- the- year. i believe i will need all the recuperation i can get this december; and where better to do it than in literary city. i will be dropping by (hopefully); stonehenge, roald dahl's museum/ hometown (i.e. a real english village!) and spending time mooching about the park, writing and reading. and then maybe hit up a new city or two- i'm thinking istanbul and copenhagen.
it will be a solo trip; think i'll want/ need that time alone. i will learn from my 'mistakes', no more being afraid to be out late this time. i will milk london for all its worth.
that's what i call a birthday present. :D